Did something for the first time that I haven’t done in almost 2 years!

I got a massage 🙂

I used to go every month to help deal with the daily pain and stress that was weighing me down related to my mixed connective tissue disease. I had a monthly membership and went to the same masseuse for over 5 years. And then I got Covid.

Honestly, my pain did increase and it was hard not getting that massage every month. I did it for so long that just stopping so abruptly kinda messed me up. Some days the pain was so intense it was hard to sleep because every time I rolled over the pain would wake me up.

Now how does Covid fit into all of this? Covid gave me asthma – I just found out what it was 2 months ago, so for almost a year and a half I had trouble breathing basically if I did something too fast. It really put a dent into my self confidence in the sense of I always had to plan what I was doing – not be spontaneous like I usually was. I always had to think of my lungs and if I could handle the task.

Let’s talk about some of these “tasks”. Walking from the car to the beach, would I run out of air and have to use my rescue inhaler 4 times? Can I lay face down into that circle pillow during a massage and be able to get enough air in? How about can I actually lay on my chest because it hurts so damn bad half the time. Can I walk into the grocery store to get the ingredients I need? Can I see the child I used to nanny or will I scare him if I run out of air? I need to use inhalers and literally shut down in order to be “normal”.

“running out of air”- not getting enough oxygen in to fill my lungs to make me breathe normal. Use my rescue inhaler to help this process along. Still doesn’t help need some more puffs. Walked too fast, which wasn’t fast at all and I need to stop and catch my breath. Don’t even think about talking and walking. Cold air and hot air are horrible. My body automatically yawns when I’m not getting enough oxygen to try to get more. Stay calm. Anxiety doesn’t help. I have never had anxiety before. I need to stay.calm. breathe more. Ouch my lungs and chest HURT from breathing. My life has completely changed. I have changed. I’m scared to do things that I once have done.

So I got a massage for the first time in 2 years, one step back into my new form of my “normal” self.